The Do’s and Don’ts of Helping a Friend with Depression

When a friend is battling depression, it’s natural to want to help but figuring out how to do that without overstepping or saying the wrong thing can feel like walking on eggshells. You might worry about making things worse or feel unsure of what your friend really needs. Depression is a tricky, heavy thing to navigate, and while you can't "fix" your friend, you  can  be a huge source of support for them. 

The Do’s and Don’ts of Helping a Friend with Depression

To help guide you through this, let’s go over some simple do’s and don’ts when it comes to being there for a friend who’s dealing with depression.

 Do:   Listen More Than You Talk  

When someone’s depressed, what they need most is someone who will just listen without judgment or advice. Depression often comes with feelings of isolation, so being that person who makes your friend feel heard can be incredibly powerful. Let them vent, ramble, or sit in silence if that’s what they need. 

I remember a time when my friend was going through a particularly rough patch. She didn’t need solutions she just needed someone to be there and listen. All I did was sit next to her while she talked about how she was feeling, and that made her feel a little less alone.

Try saying things like, “I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready,” or “I don’t have to understand everything you’re going through, but I’m here to support you.” It shows that you’re present and that they can open up on their terms.

 Don’t:   Try to “Fix” Them  

One of the most important things to remember is that you can’t fix your friend’s depression. Depression isn’t something you can simply snap out of, and offering solutions like, “You should just get out more” or “Think positive thoughts” can feel dismissive of their struggle. 

I know it’s tempting to want to make things better for your friend, but trust me well meaning advice can sometimes come across as minimizing their pain. Your friend probably already knows that exercise, sunshine, or hobbies  might  help, but depression often makes it incredibly hard to do those things. Avoid giving unsolicited advice unless your friend asks for suggestions.

Instead, focus on  supporting  them. Say things like, “I’m here for you no matter what,” or “It’s okay to feel this way.” Let them know it’s okay to not be okay for a while. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just be present without trying to fix everything.

 Do:   Offer Specific Help  

While vague offers like “Let me know if you need anything” are kind, they rarely lead to someone actually asking for help. When you’re depressed, even simple tasks can feel overwhelming. Offering specific help whether it’s bringing over a meal, helping with errands, or just watching a movie together makes it easier for your friend to accept your support.

For example, one of my friends was really struggling with depression and had stopped cleaning her apartment because it felt too overwhelming. Instead of asking if she needed help, I just said, “Hey, let’s tackle one room together, and then we can chill afterward.” Breaking things down into smaller, specific actions made it easier for her to accept.

Don’t be afraid to offer tangible help. Whether it’s dropping off food, walking their dog, or just texting them regularly to check in, concrete support can make a world of difference.

 Don’t:   Assume It’s Something You Can Understand Completely  

Unless you’ve personally dealt with depression, it can be hard to truly understand what your friend is going through. Saying things like, “I know exactly how you feel” (especially if you don’t) can sometimes feel dismissive to someone who’s in the thick of depression. Even if you’ve felt sad or overwhelmed before, depression is a whole different beast.

Rather than trying to relate by comparing your own experiences, acknowledge that depression is different for everyone. Say something like, “I may not understand exactly how you feel, but I’m here to listen and support you however I can.” This shows empathy without making their pain seem smaller or comparable to yours.

 Do:   Encourage Them to Seek Professional Help  

While your support is valuable, depression is a medical condition that often requires professional help. If your friend hasn’t already sought therapy or counseling, gently encouraging them to do so can be life changing. It’s not about pushing them just reminding them that there’s no shame in seeking help.

One of my friends was reluctant to talk to a therapist because she felt like she should be able to handle things on her own. I gently reminded her that it’s okay to ask for help when things feel overwhelming, just like you’d go to a doctor if you had the flu. After a lot of nudging, she finally saw a counselor, and it was the start of her healing process.

If your friend isn’t ready to seek professional help, that’s okay too. Just remind them that when they are ready, there are resources available. You can even offer to help them find a therapist or accompany them to their first appointment if that makes it less intimidating.

 Don’t:   Take Their Mood Personally  

It can be tough when your friend starts pulling away or seems irritable all the time, but it’s important not to take their mood personally. Depression can cause people to withdraw from social interactions or snap at others without meaning to. If your friend seems distant or upset, it’s usually not about you it’s just the depression talking.

One of my closest friends used to cancel plans last minute, and for a while, I thought she just didn’t want to hang out. But I later realized that she was struggling with depression, and the idea of socializing was just too much for her some days. Once I understood this, I stopped taking her cancellations personally and kept checking in, even if she wasn’t always responsive.

If your friend cancels plans, doesn’t respond to texts, or seems irritated, try not to take it as a reflection of your friendship. Give them space when they need it, but let them know you’re still there for them whenever they’re ready.

 Do:   Be Patient  

Healing from depression isn’t a quick or linear process. Your friend might have good days and bad days, and progress can sometimes be slow. Patience is key. Being supportive means being there for the long haul, even when it feels like nothing’s changing.

Depression can make people feel guilty for leaning on others, so remind your friend that you’re in this with them, no matter how long it takes. Say things like, “Take your time. I’m here as long as you need me,” or “You don’t have to rush through this you’ve got me by your side.”

 Don’t:   Forget to Take Care of Yourself  

Helping a friend through depression can be emotionally draining, and it’s important to take care of your own mental health, too. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and if you’re feeling burnt out, you won’t be able to be there for your friend in the way they need. It’s okay to set boundaries and take time for yourself when you need it.

I once found myself getting so caught up in trying to support a friend that I neglected my own mental health. Eventually, I realized that taking care of myself wasn’t selfish it was necessary so I could continue being there for my friend. Make sure you’re practicing self care and reaching out for support if you need it.

It’s okay to step back and recharge when you need to. Let your friend know, “I’m always here for you, but I need to take a break for a bit. I’ll check in with you soon.” Taking care of your own well being is just as important as helping them through theirs.

 Final Thoughts

Supporting a friend through depression isn’t easy, but knowing the do’s and don’ts can help you be there in the right ways. Listen more, don’t try to fix them, and always offer specific help when you can. Encourage professional support without pushing, and most importantly, be patient with both your friend and yourself.

You won’t always have the perfect words or solutions, but just being present and understanding can make a world of difference in your friend’s journey to healing.

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